It’s late January and I texted him after the first day of exams. We started talking again recently and I think I still like him a lot. It was just like in Grade 7 when I had a crush on him twice. He seems to be into me and I hope he is because he makes my heart beat a gazillion miles an hour.

            There he is.

            My teddy bear walking towards me. Blue eyes, blond hair, a giant nerd with a giant heart. He looks good in a burgundy, long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans; I want to hug him right then and there in the middle of the school. Not to mention that he’s a giant marshmallow in that giant grey coat of his.

            Casual conversation starts between us and his friends walk over to talk to him. I laugh along because I’m currently enjoying the company and I kind of know what they’re talking about. At least I won’t look awkward this way.

            I tug at his shirt sleeve and look up at him with bright eyes. Come on, aren’t we gonna hang out today?

            “Do you want to go now?” he asks me.

            I smile and nod. I’m too excited about hanging out with him because I’ve never done this before. I usually just awkwardly go about my life without ever letting my crushes know that I like them. They never liked me back anyway, so I really needn’t embarrass myself or trouble myself with how to tell them I like them. So I’d gush about them with my closest friends, talking their ear off about how cute so-and-so is whenever I felt the need to talk about it for the millionth time.

            But never have I ever hung out with someone I liked at their house. Until now.

            Damn, Tamara, you’re killin’ it.

            We wanted to watch a movie together, and with movies, there are cuddles. I swear my heart was beating right out of my chest when we were cuddling on his bed. It wasn’t one of those movie moments where you move closer to each other and start cuddling, oh no. We straight up went to cuddles when the movie started. It was like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. He’s also one of those people who likes to do little movements or gestures when they cuddle with you; they’ll run their fingers up and down your arm or side, or maybe they’ll play with your hair when you’re lying down. Some people may not like it, but I do; it leaves me feeling so happy and warm, and loved and giddy.

            After the movie finished, somebody started a tickle fight. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much that whole year like I did right then and there in his room, on his bed. He finally bested me in the tickle fight and was on top of me. This was exactly like how they portrayed it in the movies. First kisses between characters after dates or they just kiss because they were that close.

            It was one of those beautiful moments.

            I almost couldn’t breathe with his face inches from mine. We stopped laughing and it was silent. My brain was going through all the things I didn’t check before and I could feel the heat and tension building between us. Shit, does my breath stink? It’s way too late to think about that — our faces are too close now to back out of it.

            And then it happened.

            We kissed.

            Holy. Fuck. An explosion of pure joy and happiness erupted in my head. There was a crazy office party, July the 4th fireworks, Canada Day fireworks, confetti explosions, and so many things exploding in my head that holy shit —

            I forgot to breathe.

            I pulled my face away and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “…Did that just happen?” We laughed and I couldn’t have been more breathless.

            You idiot, why did you say that?

            First kisses, man.